HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHOW?
IT’S ABOUT VAMPIRES
IT’S SET IN THE DEEP SOUTH
AND IT STARS ANNA FREAKIN’ ASS PAQUIN
I think that says it all.
Well, almost. Just look at the opening credits:
Any show that combines sex, road kill, and faith healing deserves a pat on the bloody back, 8 Emmy’s, and MAD PROPS from God/Vishnu.
For those of you who don’t know, the basic premise is that the Japanese have created a synthetic blood drink for all the Lost Boys to guzzle, meaning they no longer have to hide away in coffins and cloaks. Instead they start strolling into diners in the Deep South and chatting up belles, slyly organizing sexy rendezvous, “FHM said that everyone should have sex with a vampire before they die”, one douchey character claims. Some of the mere mortals start drinking the synthetic v-juice and become addicted to it’s energizing qualities, meaning there’s lots of scenes with bronzed rednecks whining “Gat ta git me more of this therrre v-juice”. HILARIOUS.
In the midst of all this is Sookie Stackhouse (err best name ever?), who everyone thinks suffers from some sort of “retardation” because she can hear people’s thoughts, therefore rendering her unable to have a normal conversation. She probably is just unable to have a normal conversation, but it’s nice to dress it up with “psychic abilities” – a good one to use at a crap party, “I can’t talk to you loser, I have telepathic abilities. SERIOUSLY. LEAVE ME ALONE OR I’LL PUNCH YOU WITH MY MIND”. She starts a lil’ old relationship with a vampire, and being Anna Paquin, is just an all-round sexy weirdo. We really enjoyed this video a fan made of her “sexy bits”. By “sexy bits” they mean slowing down her speech so she looks uber special needs, and then playing the worst song in the world over the muted conversations. That song is ‘Delilah’ by I-don’t-fucking-care-who.
It does also have slow down running and walking shots for more pervation moments, and a bit of bikini. But still – clutching at sexy straws.
It’s coming to Channel 4 in July. Prepare to have your Summer sucked away.
(But they should have called it TRU BLUD INNIT).
WORDS: ELIZABETH SANKEY
