Girl-on-girl moments in mainstream cinema tend to be pretty lame. This is because, for the most part, they exist solely to titillate male viewers, thus end up being really cheesy and bimbo-eqsue rather than erotic or realistic. This applies to pretty much every lesbian lip-lock in the history of teen movies. However, when properly executed, girl-on-girl is the holy grail of boner (duh). I’ve compiled a list of my personal top 10 leztastic film moments. Here they are, in no particular order. 3… 2… 1… lick your fingers.

Mulholland Drive (2001): Naomi Watts and Laura Harring get it on

I’ve seen David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive four times and I still have no idea what’s going on. Something about an aspiring actress, an amnesiac and a weird, tiny monster that lives behind a garbage bin? I think? I actually Googled it recently to see if anyone smarter than me had finally figured it out, but most plot summaries just classify the film’s meaning as “open to interpretation.” Whatever. More importantly, the film has a couple of disturbingly arousing sex scenes between a fresh-faced Naomi Watts and the glamorous Laura Harring. Bonus: They both have very expertly shaped breasts.

The Craft (1996): The whole movie

For those of you living in pop-cultureless cave world, The Craft is a movie about four girls at an LA high school who discover they have magical powers and then cast a bunch of spells on their classmates and each other. There’s not even really any explicitly lesbian content in the film—just a few quick pecks here and there—but lesbihonest, it’s one of the most grrrl-power, estrogentastic, lezbi-friendly films ever created. It made me wish I was gay. Well, not really, but it definitely made me care more about wearing all black and carrying around weirdly shaped sticks than about boys for at least three months.

Fucking Åmål (1998): Hot young lesbians being hot young lesbians

This is a Swedish film about two, desperate(ish) young girls growing up in a nowheresville town called Åmål in Sweden. The unpopular, suicidal one has a crush on the hot, popular one. The two attempt to run away together after they unexpectedly bond over their hatred of small town life. After that they suck each other’s faces for a while, then some bad stuff happens, then some touching stuff happens, then it ends. It’s sort of cliché but in a really sweet, innocent, ‘I relate to this’ sort of way. I recommend you see it.

Cruel Intentions (1999): Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar swap spit

This choice may be a bit obvs and teenage, but it’s definitely one of the defining on-screen lesbian moments of our generation (well, maybe my generation is more accurate—you’re probably 14), so I had to include it. Plus we’ve all dreamed of being as alt-hot as Selma Blair at some point in our lives. Buffy’s not so bad either. After seeing this film I definitely stole the line, “Only this time, I’m going to stick my tongue in your mouth….” and used it when teaching 14 year old boys to make-out behind the tennis courts after school.

Gia (1998): Angelina Jolie lesbian shower

Before Angelia Jolie had 4000 ethnic children and started dating the guy from Oceans 11, she used to be really cool and “out there”, and do things like die her hair black and make-out with her brother. Hot. During this time she starred in Gia, a film about Gia Carangi, a bisexual drug addict supermodel who dies of AIDS. Whoa. There’s one scene in the film that’s particularly sweet, in which she and Elizabeth Mitchell take a shower together. (And yes, I know what you’re thinking, that is Juliet from Lost!)

Frida (2002): Salma Hayek and Ashley Judd making-out

One can only hope to posess a fraction of the power and sex appeal that Salma Hayek and Ashley Judd do at 40. (Realistically we’ll probably all be aging, blob-like mothers of 7.) In Frida—a film about the life of artist Frida Kahlo—the two share a passionate dance and lip lock. It’s not a particularly lovey-dovey kiss, but it’s hot in a sexually free, women’s lib, female empowerment sort of way.

Therese and Isabelle (1968): Old school sex

During junior high I spent most weekends at my friend Brittany’s house, because Brittany had arty, film-buff parents with a giant catalogue of sexy art films and old school erotic movies that we thought were just so risqué at the time. This is when I first saw Therese and Isabelle—a love story between two young girls at a French boarding school. Although when it came out in the 60’s it was classified as an erotic film, nowadays it seems pretty tame. However all the sex scenes are very slow and sensual, which is a nice change. I recommend watching this with the lights dimmed, in a lacy nightgown, perhaps with a glass of red wine… you get the idea.

Jennifer’s Body (2009): Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried make-out

This movie, admittedly, is not that amazing. (I still love you Diablo Cody—sex bloggers unite!) However, the make-out sesh between is Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried is very sexy, and actually goes on for quite a good length of time. I also realize that Megan Fox is a very obvious choice of babe—the sort of girl you’re told is hot so often by the media that you cant tell if she’s actually hot anymore, or whether you’re just buying into some preconceived, Cosmopolitan idea of beauty. (Jessica Alba is another example of this. Is it just me or is she SO whatever?!) However, to clear it up for you, Megan Fox is actually just one of the most physically attractive people on the planet, so it’s OK to sit back and bask in her overwhelming hottness. The dumb one from Mean Girls isn’t bad either.

The Hunger (1983): Susan Sarandon and Catherine Deneuve having crazed vampire sex

Let’s face it, Susan Sarandon is just cool. I wish she was my mom and my BFF and my lover all at once. The Hunger—though it stands alone as a pretty good vampire seduction thriller—is probably best known for its epic, filthy vampire sex scene between Susan Sarandon and Catherine Deneuve.  Also David Bowie is in the film being typically mayj.

Poison Ivy (1992): Drew Barymore and Sarah Gilbert tonguing

Has anyone ever nailed it harder than Drew Barymore in Poison Ivy? She’s probably the hottest, coolest bad girl of all time. I’m not the slightest bit embarrassed to admit I’ve modeled my entire existence on the character of Ivy (minus the murderer part). The scene where Ivy and Sylvia kiss is extremely arousing, mainly because in that precise moment Drew Barymore is the personification of sex. I can’t tell whether I want to fuck her or be her.

The end.

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