Imagine if you were able to make a graph of self-serving bullshit over time from the beginning of the universe until now. Since the birth of humanity it would create a slowly rising curve, then right near the end, an almost vertical upward spike would appear with the advent of Twitter, as the homo sapiens were gifted the ability to publish their most rabidly ego-crazed inner monologues to thousands of willing consumers.

Hey, you huge blancmangey beige alsatian turd with sunglasses on your head, its called The Gym. If you want to start going, we’re here to tell you what’s up.