Angelina Jolie Aged 19

These days, Angelina Jolie is a total milf but ultimately a ghastly out-of-touch celebrity with all sorts of horrible religious affiliations, adopted foreign children and a few issues that she feels strongly enough about to appear in the commercials of. Those pictures of her being treated like a deity in some third world slum or other cemented her as the woman I’d least like to sit next to at a dinner party. Can you imagine the sense of self-satisfaction and pride that would emanate from her? It’d put me right off my fois gras.

Back in 1994 when she was 19, however, it was a different story, she was a switched on, hip, LA rich brat with the world at her feet, a hot three year lesbian affair about to begin and not even a hint of the smugness to come. Imagine sitting next to that Angelina at a dinner party- you’d be whispering wisecracks to each other during the speeches and sneaking off between courses to do bumps in the bathroom, then after dinner you’d climb through some mansion’s ornamental gardens to have a joint at the top of a tree and skinny dip in an uptight hollywood lawyer’s pool. Then you’d make out.