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5 Eeriest Mysteries On The Internet

It’s generally assumed that anyone awake and on the internet at 3AM is caught in a internet pornography vortex, clicking through busty MILF video after busty MILF video, but the truth is even more degrading than tugging to picture of a guy getting his salad tossed. Most of us are probably on Wikipedia with over seven tabs open simultaneously reading up on ancient central Asian history, subterranean rivers in London and discovering that Ainsley Harriott had a hit single in the early 1990s.  It may be special arcane knowledge to you but to everyone else it’s completely useless bollocks, that’s what the following list is, a collection of some mildly interesting mysteries that I have stumbled upon during late night Wiki-binges.


1. The Recording Of An Unknown Cosmonaut
No, that’s not the name of an American lo-fi indie band, although it is kind of a great name for one. It is, in fact, one of the creepiest recordings on the net. The story goes that a pair of young brothers from Italy, Achile and Giovanni Judica-Cordigla, found a bunch of radio equipment and set up their own listening station - ‘Torre Bert’ - in a disused German bunker to record radio communications from Soviet and US space missions. (I’ve struggled to fix the gears on my broken bike for a month now. These guys make my manly balls look like shriveled walnuts). In May 1961, they captured a radio transmission of a woman’s voice, the common translation is given as:  “Isn’t this dangerous? Talk to me! Our transmission begins now. I feel hot. I can see a flame. Am I going to crash? Yes. I feel hot, I will re-enter…”. It stops there.


2. The Taman Shud Case
Also known as the ‘Mystery of the Somerton Man‘, this internet peculiarity  is a murder case that has gone unsolved for over 60 years. On December 1st, 1948 at 6.30am, the body of an unidentified man was found on Somerton Beach in Adelaide, South Australia. All they found on the body was a unlit cigarette placed behind his ear, a used bus ticket from the city to St. Leonards in Glenelg, an unused second-class rail ticket from the city to Henley Beach, a comb, a pack of Juicy Fruit (what kinda grown ass man chews Juicy Fruit?), an Army Club cigarette packet containing Kenistas cigarettes and a box of matches (no wallet? again, what kind of man doesn’t own a wallet? Although using an Oyster card holder as a make-shift wallet is permissible).

A month later on January 14th a brown suitcase belonging to the man was found in Adelaide Railway Station. The police, hoping to find a lead, found that all identification marks on the clothes had been removed apart form the name “T.Keane” on one of the ties, “Keane” on a laundry bag and “Kean” on a vest. Cased solved right? Wrong. After further investigation yielded nothing, they came to the conclusion that whichever douche-bag removed the identification tags from the clothes had left the tags with “Keane” on them knowing full well that “Keane” wasn’t the dead man’s name. You gotta respect that level of dedication to the lulz.

Then the story gets more intense. A few months later in June they found a piece of paper with ‘Taman Shud’ written on in it in a secret compartment in his trouser pocket. A quick side note: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU MAKE A SECRET POCKET IN A POCKET? (I need somewhere safe to stash my mephedrone obviously). Anyway the Five-O called in some book nerds to find out the translation of ‘Taman Shud’,  who recognised the writing as the phrase “ended”/”finished” which is found on the final page of The Rubaiyat Of Omar Khayyam - a collection of Persian poetry. Another breakthrough came when in November a man reading an article on the case realised that a copy of The Rubaiyat had been mysteriously left in the back seat of his unlocked car, the Po-Po did all that sciencey CSI shit on the book and found that the piece of paper was from torn from the pages of the recovered book.

On the back of the book they found this code:


The code has never been cracked and from here the story just becomes increasingly ridiculous:

* On the back of the book was a unlisted telephone number of a former nurse.
* The former nurse herself had a copy of The Rubaiyat which she gave to some guy.
*
They found out the guy she gave it to was alive and well, and he still had his copy of The Rubaiyat that she originally gave to him.
(Quick time out: Was it just normal in those days for people to just have ridiculously obscure book of Persian poetry, what the fuck is going on? Is every generation just getting stupiderer?)
* The former nurse lived in the same suburb the mystery man visited the night he died.

You should check the wikipedia page for more bizarre coincidences that would challenge even the most staunch of logical thinkers.


3. Bloop
Bloop is the name given to an ultra-low frequency and extremely powerful unidentified sound that has been detected underwater several times during 1997 in a remote part of the South Pacific Ocean by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). Apparently the audio profile matches that of a living creature, however, if the sound was emitted by an animal it would reportedly have to be several times the size of the largest known animal on Earth.

Although it just sounds like someone farting in a bath tub to me.


4. Wow! Signal


The Wow! Signal is amazing and could be the foreword to a whole new chapter of our understanding of intelligent life in the cosmos… It’s just that I have a fucking clue how it works. To understand it you have to get all those annoying fiddly sciencey details that drove me and my year 8 science (top set, obv) classmates to spend the whole year mentally abusing our poor sod of a teacher via cruel and unusual methods of torture - usually massive rubber band fights. If your reading Mr Manugeni, I’m really really sorry for undermining you at every turn and then bitching about how we never learnt anything in your classes.

But here’s what I do understand about this thing. In an attempt to imagine how intelligent alien beings might try to communicate with Earth two physicists from Cornell University, Giuseppe Cocconi and Philip Morrison, theorised that the aliens would choose a radio transmission as their medium because radio waves are cheap to produce and don’t require much energy and travel vast distances across space. Cocconi and Morrison also believed that the aliens would choose a frequency that had meaning to intelligent creatures with knowledge of chemistry and mathematics. Hydrogen is the most abundant element in the universe and it resonates at very specific frequency of 1420 megahertz - bingo.

On August 15th 1977. The Big Ear radio telescope at Ohio University picked up a 72 second signal that was 30 times louder than the ordinary noise of deep space,  just a tiny smidgen off of the expected frequency at 1420.4556 MHz. Alternative explanations so far have yielded nothing and the possibility that we’re looking at the only recorded signal received from  space that has the quality of an intentional motive behind it remains.

If nothing else, this proves that watching every episode of The X-Files for ‘research’ instead of doing anything constructive is a completely valid use of your time.


5. The Count of Saint Germain
The legend that surrounds the Count of St. Germain is like the plot of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and all three Back To The Future movies combined, but it makes sense. If I somehow figured out time travel I would defo go back in time and just kinda hang out with every person of historical note and pop up at random historical events just to fuck with people in the present/future/my brain hurts.

It’s not clear what the Count of St. Germain actually did during his lifetime, but just watch this documentary and try to tell me you wouldn’t wanna be best buds with him.

  • Adèle Austin
    This is still my favorite Platform article EVAR.
  • Wimbley
    If i wanted to read a much better version of this article I'd go to Cracked.com you plagiarist!

    Wimbley out.
  • At least link to the article I plagiarised.
  • Rio
    The Taman Shud case blew my mind, I still don't fucking understand!
  • Send_in_the_ninjaz
    in the hope no one falls for the same con i did : DO NOT WASTE 9 MINUTES 29 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE WATCHING THE LAST VIDEO!!!

    "but just watch this documentary and try to tell me you wouldn’t wanna be best buds with him" - no bolor, that clip was no more a documentary than finding nemo is a documentary about marine life or that gladiator is about ancient roman history.........

    just how big is your fucking lobotomy scar dude?? does it completely take over your face?

    if you do actually get paid for this shit please just stay at home and claim benefits instead.....less painful for everyone involved
  • If I'm watching a film I don't like, I stop watching. You do know you can do that right?

    http://www.enviroblog.org/nomoretears.gif
  • Bahaha so good. People seriously need to lighten up!!!
  • Send_in_the_ninjaz
    yeah thanks for pointing that out. i can also moan about the fucking moron that made the shit film in the first place....
  • =

    "I actively enjoy being a pedantic dick 24-7".
  • Send_in_the_ninjaz
    ooooo good comeback bolor like it, like it. equals sign, school boy retort, keep it up you might make a proper journo one day....

    look if you don't want people to pan your opinions then don't fucking publish them online, keep them to yourself, don't think its gonna upset anyone too much.....
  • Thanks for your input. I'll be sure to consult you "Send_in_the_ninjaz" whether anything I may write in the future is of any worth.

    You're ever so smart but not that your not that bothered about other people knowing, I mean it's not like you drop "DBC Pierre" as an example despite the fact you already clearly made the point anyway.
  • Send_in_the_ninjaz
    "you drop "DBC Pierre" as an example despite the fact you already clearly made the point anyway"

    if you ever do decide to take this up seriously you would do well to learn that when stating a premise it is good practice to back it up with an example to explicate it fully but hey what do i know. I notice as well there were no objections when i wrote it, only now, 24 hours and several posts later. Can anyone else hear the distant scraping of barrels??

    anyway im bored now bolor, write another one of your pieces and i'll talk to you then
  • ""you drop "DBC Pierre" as an example despite the fact you already clearly made the point anyway"

    if you ever do decide to take this up seriously you would do well to learn that when stating a premise it is good practice to back it up with an example to explicate it fully but hey what do i know. I notice as well there were no objections when i wrote it, only now, 24 hours and several posts later. Can anyone else hear the distant scraping of barrels??

    anyway im bored now bolor, write another one of your pieces and i'll talk to you then"

    Scraping of the barrels?

    "when stating a premise it is good practice to back it up with an example to explicate it fully"
  • Send_in_the_ninjaz
    scraping the barrell? you're kidding right?

    its not even a premise, its just a turn of phrase (please say i don't have to explain the difference between these two concepts to you!)........it means, in this context, that you are running out of material to use so you are proverbially "scraping the barrel" to get the most out of it.......as i say though bolor bored now, shouldn't have to tell you these things, come up with something else and we'll talk again
  • You misunderstand.

    "You're ever so smart but not that your not that bothered about other people knowing, I mean it's not like you drop "DBC Pierre" as an example despite the fact you already clearly made the point anyway."

    =

    "when stating a premise it is good practice to back it up with an example to explicate it fully".

    and thus:

    What I said =/= scraping the barrel.
  • Wimbley
    Tuvshin more like TuvSHIT writer HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA
  • Send_in_the_ninjaz
    completely agree with xx, omar khayam is one of the most famous poets ever and having a copy of this would be like having a copy of paradise lost or a collected works of wordsworth (apologies xx, the comparison isn't based on content but you get what im saying!)

    (Quick time out: Was it just normal in those days for people to just have ridiculously obscure book of Persian poetry, what the fuck is going on? Is every generation just getting stupiderer?)

    In answer:

    its still 'normal' in these days, its not that obscure, no every generation is not getting "stupiderer" (god i hate it when writers do that, you can almost imagine the smug bastard grinning to himself as he wrote it...........cock!), just certain members of every generation it would seem
  • legendwaitforitdary
    ninjas gonna hate!
  • I hadn't heard of it, ever.

    Not everyone can be as learned as you m8.
  • Send_in_the_ninjaz
    i accept that but please.......

    the benchmark for obscurity is not whether you've heard of it or not

    i hadn't heard of DBC Pierre until about 4 weeks ago.....doesn't mean it was obscure, i just hadn't heard of it
  • Xx
    and yeah 'stupiderer' - who is actually proof reading this?
  • .....

    Are you serious?

    It's clearly meant to be incorrect.
  • blutarsky
    WHO PUT BELLA IN THE WITCH ELM?
  • Xx
    just so you now, the rubaiyait isn't some 'obscure' Persian poetry, Omar Khayam is one the most famous poets ever, just because you're thick as shit and get your information off wikipedia doesnt mean everyone else does.
  • Guy who takes his username from The XX in acting like a dick shocker.
  • Xx
    Type your comment here.k
  • YY
    Platform writing in being a fucking moron shocker. Will this website ever have any content? No one is holding out.
  • Wimbley
    You said it man this site SUCKS!

    Wimbley up in this bitch!
  • captainobvious
    this is rad
  • legendwaitforitdary
    That Rubaiyat was some next shit. It's all over that '96 PC classic that I know you've all played called Titanic: Adventure Out of Time. If you don't know, now ya know.
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