I stepped out of my building in Toronto and immediately a sub zero wind cut through every layer of clothing on my body. My balls quickly shot up into my stomach and I hunched over waiting for the arctic blast to subside. As I stood there doubled over with tears streaming down my face, stopping only to freeze into a thin layer of ice on my cheek, one question hit my mind with profound urgency:
What the fuck am I doing here?
One call to a travel agent later and I was gone.
Trinidad is the southernmost Caribbean island, located less than 10 miles off the coast of Venezuela. I figured a visit would be a great way to duck a couple weeks of winter so I headed down just before Christmas. Most people don’t know very much about Trinidad so here are some of the things I learned about this island nation during my holiday stay.
TRINIDAD DOESN’T NEED TOURISTS
One of the reasons you’ve probably never been to Trinidad is because they don’t really need you to visit. They have the only island economy that is not dependent on tourism because of the large off-shore oil and natural gas reserves that have been tapped by the governments National Petroleum Marketing Company, more commonly known as NP.
NP is also the sole distributor of commercial gas in the country. As of last week the cost of one litre of gas was about $1.50 local currency, which works out to something like $0.25 Can/US per litre (or less than a dollar a gallon). It’s probably also no coincidence that every Trini, no matter how poor, owns about two cars and people drive everywhere. I saw shacks made of corrugated tin flanked by three sedans. I’m told this is very common.
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GIRL POWER IS SWEEPING THE NATION
Trinidad recently elected its first female Prime Minister, Kamla Persad-Bissessar, and this has sparked a wave of female empowerment throughout the nation that has been received with mixed reactions (see above photo). Half of the people I met told me this movement was a very big deal effecting real change while the other half told me it was a load of shit and women were, as usual, getting excited over nothing.
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ALCOHOLISM IS ENCOURAGED
There is no other conclusion that can be made from the way alcohol is priced and sold. A beer at the bar costs between $1 to $2 Can/US dollars and a strong mixed drink might be $2.50. Play your cards right and you can buy alcohol poisoning for around $20 dollars. The liquor licenses granted by the government allow establishments to serve at any time, any day. I tried explaining the concept of Last Call to the locals and they made me feel like I was living in communist Russia. In Trinidad the only time the bar stops serving is when the owner of the rum shop decides he wants to sleep. I decided to grab drinks with some friends at one of the more upscale places on Ariapita Ave. and the result was what you see in the above picture. The round I bought consisted of: 1 Heineken, 2 Guinness, 2 Stag (local beer), 1 Carib Pilsner (local beer), 1 Rum and Coke and 1 Johnnie Black and Coke, and I paid (with tip) around $23 Canadian.
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THE VAGRANTS ARE INVINCIBLE
If you think it’s hard being homeless in North America then your mind isn’t prepared to fathom what it’s like living on the streets in the Caribbean. In Trinidad the most sentimental Christian would kiss their teeth at the idea of handing over even a dollar of their hard earned paper to a drugged up spranger (local slang for vagrant). The vagrants of Trinidad have seemingly benefited from prolonged exposure to their adverse conditions. According to the Darwinian principles of evolution they have become immune to almost everything that would kill a normal man. I was told stories of vagrants who routinely eat glass, plastic and raw chicken skin that has been left out in the sun for days, all without suffering any ill affect. Apparently one bum affectionately known as “Moto” enjoys drinking motor oil as an aperitif before consuming the contents of dumpsters. The vagrants in Trinidad don’t sleep and they never get sick. The man in the above picture found two crushed, nearly empty bottles of Coke in a refuse drain. The contents had been diluted with water from the drain — basically sewage. With my own eyes I saw him chug down the mix like he was drinking the refreshing crystalline runoff from an untouched arctic glacier. People at the rum shop across the street said this vagrant had been pacing that very same block for at least five days and that he would never die.
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OPEN?
It’s a common thing for stores in Trinidad to leave their Open signs illuminated even when they’re closed. I drove past no less than a dozen places where the sign said Open only to realize otherwise. This is particularly harsh when you’re drunk and looking to score something to eat at 4 A.M., get excited by the glowing promise of a 15-foot high OPEN sign inviting you to fulfill your desire and subsequently realize it’s all just a lie and you’re going home hungry.
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SOCIALIZED HEALTH CARE VS. PRIVATIZED HEALTH CARE
Trinidad has two types of health care: highly inefficient socialized medicine that is provided by the government with tax dollars and private hospitals where you can pay for what is generally regarded as being a faster, better level of care. Most locals look down on nationalized health care and the running joke is: If you think you’re going to get shot on Thursday, then you better have someone lining up at an Emergency Room for you on Tuesday. The private option isn’t really an affordable alternative for most people either. I spoke to someone who had recently taken his pregnant wife to a private hospital for the birth of their first child. He explained that he didn’t trust the public hospitals and he didn’t want to take any chances. After his child was born he was hit with a bill of $12,000 Trinidadian dollars (roughly $2,000 Can/US). Given the average salary and employment rate in Trinidad this wouldn’t have been an option for everyone.
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If you’re the kind of person who likes being on the all-inclusive tip, then Trinidad probably isn’t for you. It’s a really relaxed place and lots of fun, but the fact that I knew locals who could show me around properly was a huge factor in my enjoyment of the trip. The murder rate is high, the country is a trans-shipment point for all the drugs coming out of South America and you don’t want to be lost in a strange part of town at the wrong time of night. That said, if you know someone willing to show you around, I highly recommend you take them up on the offer. Just pace yourself at the bar.
POSTED ON STREET CARNAGE AS WELL!
