Donald Crunk does I Am Fashion Hear Me Roar and Styleslut, and now he’s doin’ some Platform. You might not like this…
1) Have you ever noticed how some trannies look better than real women? Are you guys comfortable with this? I’m talking to you guys at the back – the ones with a Vagina who are failing at womanhood. Step your game up, you’re letting the side down.
2) Why should I stay awake after sex? The fun stuff is over; I’m tired and I need a nap. Besides, all that huggy affection-y stuff was just a rouse to get into your vagina, bebe.
3) Black girls with shiny weaves are hot. And those gaudy, overly long acrylic nails are even hotter. It’s just a shame I can’t have sex with you, because I’m pretty sure my dick just exploded.
4) Why are you so bothered about having a flat stomach? Now that we live in a multicultural society, you’re more than likely to run into a bunch of blacks that like girls who lean towards ‘thick and meaty’. Which basically means you can let that stomach-fat hang over your leggings and still be appreciated. Yep, the pursuit of ‘bootay’ knows no colour.
5) Why are you all so anal? Sure, I spat on you and called you a whore while we were having sex, but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect you.
6) Why are you so scared to stand out from the crowd? You buy all those magazines and search the internet looking at what other women are thinking, wearing, eating and fuckin – just so you can think, wear, eat and fuck exactly like them. Grow some balls and do your own thing. You’ll probably get a better job or a more handsome boyfriend out of it.
7) Aren’t 5’s and 6’s with attitude the most irritating thing, ever? They get attention from guys who are looking for easy lays, but something gets lost in translation and they start thinking they are beautiful and famous. Hate to break it to you all, but you’re not Katie Price or a cast member from The Only Way Is Essex. You’ll never be that beautiful.
8) You girls that clumsily hobble along in your heels are kind of sexy. I dunno, there’s just something about your awkward vulnerability that makes you more attractive.
9) Cougars excel at sex, cooking, looking after their man, being understanding, being grateful, having intelligence and being all round blowjobalicious (yep, I made that last word up). If they ever make a Robocop 5, but replace the super cop with a superwoman who goes around making men’s lives perfect, then every cougar could turn up to the casting and the producers wouldn’t know who to pick, because let’s face it, all cougars are frickin awesome.
10) I wonder what it feels like to actually fuck a cougar? To be honest, I’d even settle for a fingerbang.
