Milkshake reviews

Stephen and I like milkshakes. But with so many milkshake choices available in this city, how are we supposed to know where to go for the best ones?

WORDS: LISA BOWMAN

It’s a serious issue and has been brought to the attention of Boris Johnson, but he’s caught up dealing with terror prevention and the 2012 Olympics. So we thought we’d take matters into our own hands. (This wasn’t an excuse to drink milkshakes all afternoon. No, sir.)

The Diner, Carnaby Street
Vanilla, peanut butter and malt, £4.20

We were excited, we were nervous, we were READY. This was our first milkshake of the day. We didn’t know what to choose and I was distracted by the smell of fries, but fortunately the lovely Kathryn was professional enough to recommend vanilla and peanut butter. We added malt because we’re cool.

Here’s a photo of us clinking glasses:

This milkshake was ridiculously good. I personally wouldn’t have opted for this flavour off my own back, so I’m glad we asked for advice. I’m going to put malt in everything now, even lasagne. I think it’s magic.

One milkshake filled two glasses, making The Diner recession proof. Stephen liked the shake so much he finished them both off:

All Star Lanes, Brick Lane
Peanut butter and jelly, £4.50 (or FREE if you ‘work for a magazine’.)

As soon as we saw this flavour we knew it was the one. I once enjoyed this combination on toast, so why wouldn’t I like it in liquid form? We accidentally got this one ‘on the house’ as Rachel thought we were trying to blag it for free. Unscrupulous to the last, we went along with it. Afterwards we felt embarrassingly cheap, but soon realised that saying you’re from a magazine can open all sorts of doors. Stephen’s going to try for a house next.

Interestingly, we noticed that Stephen’s jumper was the same colour as some of the décor:

When I came back from the toilet, he was sat in a turquoise chair and blended in so much it took me an hour to find him.

The menu boasted: ‘Our milkshakes are so thick we give you a spoon.’ We didn’t get a spoon. Which may have been why Stephen nearly died trying to suck this lump up his straw.

The crunchy seeds from the ‘jelly’ gave the shake a unique texture. Why Americans have to confuse things by calling ‘jam’ ‘jelly’, I’ll never know.

Anyway, we were all a bit peanut-buttered out and Stephen gave up, violently pushing the glass away. I believe his exact words were: “It feels like my teeth are falling out of my head.” I think he meant that his teeth weren’t appreciating the sugar overload. I’ll be honest, I was expecting more from him; this was only our second milkshake after all.

On the way out, we noticed a sign saying: ‘Best milkshakes in town.’