This record’s been out a couple weeks, but fuck it, it only just came up in our Spotify feed today and we’ve been so obsessed with Outdoorsmen-related, Lo-Life-affiliated rap in the office that we forgot anyone else could even string two coherent rhymes together without being pals with a certain chubby ginger foodie (this guy, in case you’re not keeping up with our steez).

Heavy Metal Kings is Ill Bill of both Non Phixion and old guy (a few of them are greying) hip hop crew La Coka Nostra (I always think, cocaine nostrils, right? Is that what it means? Someone tell me in the comments on facebook) and ugliest man in rap, Vinnie Paz of Jedi Mind Tricks. They’ve put out a self titled album with some goofy metal artwork and a bunch of moody song titles.

This record is from New York but has aggro beats that are quite removed from the jazzy, relaxed boom-bap that Action Bronson talks about italian meats and blowjobs over. Action is all about the good times, and we love him for it, but these guys are like overgrown angry teens, they wanna yell about conspiracy theories and disgusting murders they heard about over ominous big beats that are as subtle as a sawn off shotgun. They’re all amped up, pissed off and stomping around saying stuff just to annoy people- if I went to the gym I’d work out to this shit. As it is, I can just put it on my headphones, pull screw-faces and hate really hard.

If you’re not completely sold after the first line of this track then you’re probably a narc or a secret square. For the benefit of the hard of hearing: “When y’all were fuckn’ round with Bush I was runnin’ with Saddam…” YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH.

And, here’s a video from 2006, when there were some other guys involved. Not one of them’s a looker.