Retrospective meaning and intent can be attributed to even the most insane and demented of habits, all you need is a bit of imagination, artistic license and, to really put the icing on the proverbial cake, access to an art gallery.

For example, compulsively stealing over 200 coats and jackets from London clubs and pubs over a period of ten years is a practice that would get most of us a date with a County Court judge, swiftly followed by 100 hours community service. If, however, you meticulously archive the stolen items, catalogue and record what you find within them, and then present your ill-gotten collection as an art show – in a proper gallery mind, not on a makeshift stall on Brick Lane market – then your bat-shit-crazy behaviour finds vindication.

This is exactly what artists Mike Ballard has done with his new show ‘Whose Coat Is That Jacket You’re Wearing?‘, which opens on the 8th of this month. Ballard’s ten year stealing spree was apparently triggered by his own favourite coat being stolen from a pub in 1998. Far from letting bygones be bygones, Ballard thought the best way to deal with his loss would be to set in motion a ten year cycle of revenge that wouldn’t be out of place in a Park Chan-wook movie.

But whatever you think of Ballard’s art form, you have to admit that the act documenting what he found within the stolen coats is fascinating. It reminds me of an old Simon Armitage poem called ‘About His Person‘ that I was forced to study for GCSE English. Although at the time I was far too busy drawing the Airwalk logo on my pencil case to consider the poem’s provocative message that what a person carries in their pockets speaks volumes about them, it is clear that some people were paying attention.

Here are some examples.

Isn’t it odd how more people in London carry knives than condoms? No wonder both knife crime and STIs are on the increase. And what about the person who had an engagement ring AND a knife. Answer yes or no, either way he’s getting a life sentence. Am-I-right fellas!

There is a happy ending to this story however. The stolen merch will be hung chronologically and tagged with a diary entry and code. If you can identify the coat as your own  (i.e. match the location and date of the theft or the contents of the pockets) then you can claim back your long lost property. Although, to be honest, if all I had to claim back was a kitchen knife, an alan key and a fag end, I’d probably just cut my losses.